No one I know wanted to grow up and work 65 hours a week because they were up to their eyeballs in debt and made a reckless impulse-buy on a car that costs way more than they thought it would. No one wanted to live an hour away from where they work because it’s the only way they could afford a house with a yard but now they spend more time in traffic than they do in that yard.

No one wanted to grow up and be like everyone else.

But it happens.

You wake up one day and realize that you are not that unique. You have a lot of the same desires and problems as everyone else. You live in a house that looks like every fifth house on your street and you drive a car that looks just like every third car on the road.

You know how that happens? Society has a way of pushing you into a mold, funneling you into a particular demographic. And I’m coming to the conclusion that they do this, primarily, so that they can sell you stuff.

But none of that explains how you became the person you are. No, for that explanation, there is no enemy out there at whom we can point and whom we can collectively shun.

The fact of the matter is: There is no one to blame for the person you have become but you. You are who you are because of the choices and decisions you have made.

So, when you wake up and realize that this is not the marriage you intended to have and this is not the house you wanted to live in and these are not the kids you thought you’d have and your job is not even close to what you wanted to be when you grew up — when you come to the conclusion that today looks a lot like yesterday and tomorrow will look a lot like today — well, how do you get out of here?

The most likely conclusion is to just undo some of the choices you’ve made and make different choices. That makes sense, right?

Don’t like your marriage? Undo that and redo marriage with someone else.

Don’t like your job? Quit and go find a different job.

Don’t like where you live? Move.

Don’t like your kids? Make new ones.

But you and I both know lots of people who have done just this. And how did that turn out?

Two or three years later they’re in the same marriage just with a different spouse. They’re in the same job just with a different letterhead. We end up repeating the pattern and experiencing the same bad outcomes.

Why?

Because different decisions based on the same belief-system usually lead to similar outcomes.

So, how do you really get unstuck? You have to go all the way back to the beliefs that led to the decisions that led to the negative outcomes. You have to make sure those beliefs line up with reality, and then you have to make sure the decisions you made reflect what you say you believe.

And that’s how you get out of here. I think.

I have a confession to make: When I was a kid, I went through a phase where I wanted to grow up to be a garbage man.

I thought they only worked on Tuesdays.

I got a little older and decided I wanted to play professional baseball, but that didn’t pan out. I wanted to be a stand-up comedian, and that actually did pay the bills for a while. I wanted to be an actor, an author and, finally, a preacher. I made good on each of those — the last two being what I’ve done for the past decade.

What about you? What did you want to be when you grew up?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that few (if any) of you wanted to be middle-management, working 65 hours a week to pay for a house you shouldn’t have bought that looks like every fifth house in your neighborhood. You probably didn’t want to be stuck in an office working for people you’ve never met who send you missives from some mysterious office “out there” known as “corporate headquarters”.

No one walks down the aisle in front of all their friends and relatives thinking they’ll end up barely able to be in the same room with this other person. No one holds that baby thinking it’s only a matter of time before this relationship gets screwed up, too.

You may not have dreamed of the marriage you’re in.

You probably thought your parenting would be different than it is.

And you probably believed you’d have more to show for your life than you do now.

So, how does that happen? How do you begin life with such big dreams, high hopes, aspirations for a better life only to end up where you are?

How did I get here?

Well, we make choices, and those choices lead us to where we are. As simple as it sounds, you have the life you’ve chosen to have. I know there are special circumstances sometimes — some things happened that were beyond your control. But you married that person. And you took that job. And you had those kids. Or you didn’t.

And then there were those voices telling you to do this or to avoid doing that or somehow giving you the impression that something must be wrong with you if you don’t have one of these yet.

When you put it like this, it’s easy to start feeling stuck — trapped — like you’ve been pushed into a mold by some external force — pressured into conformity against your will.

The truth is that you built the life you have brick by brick by all those choices you made large and small. That’s how I got here.

“How did I get here?” is an important question. But often we’re really primarily concerned with answering a different question: How do I get out of here?

That’s what I’m talking about in my upcoming series “Reboot”. During that time I’ll be bouncing some ideas around here if you care to join the conversation.

Oh, and since this is my 1,000th blog post, I’ll send a free sample chapter of my next book to anyone who leaves a comment!